Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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