i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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