Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
