Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
