ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
