I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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