both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
