we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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