he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
