I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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