Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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