Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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