Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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