I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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