I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
