I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
