just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
