There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
