I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Will you blow on my dice?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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