I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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