a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
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I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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