Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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