Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
