I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
