Having a random hookup so left but love u
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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