Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
