I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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