I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
