I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
