His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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