So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
my god I love twenty year old dicks
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
