i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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