i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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