Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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