I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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