This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
