I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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