It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All the doctor said was why
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
