Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
