apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
