let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
