oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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