porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
