Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
