Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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