I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
