also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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