He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
