Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
