so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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