I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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