Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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