My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
