I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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