Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
