Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
