This girl is more easily done than said...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Someone came in the potted fern
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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