You just made me feel so damn special
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
