Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I love you. Go after that dick
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
